The Onion Skin News: December 2008

I just found out that 2008 will have a leap second. We already had a leap day, sheesh, will this year ever end? At least on the good side, I have an extra second to prepare the 2008 Onion Awards, now in 3D (at least it will if you have a really good imagination).

Pet Awards:

I Want A Tasty Blue Corn Chip NOW Award: Sierra. Even in the middle of twenty people, she still couldn't resist the lure of reaching into the bag.
Most Likely To Sit Stubbornly In The Rain (2nd year in a row): Zeke. Hanging out on the apartment deck railing during a driving rain? Not the smartest cat ever.
Third Favorite Cat: Lucy. Sometimes she loves me, sometimes she ignores me ... I think that happens to me with all women.
My BFF, At Least While You Are Feeding Me: Cleo. Yep, she loves me when Troy & Merinda are away, and hates me all other times.
We Miss You: Cherokee. Putting Cherokee down was probably the single toughest thing I ever have done. I think I know what Travis felt like when he put the gun to Ol' Yeller.

People Awards:

How About a Once-a-Month Mardi Gras Party: Becky. Put two extra pots of coffee on, and we'll make Ben drive.
You Won't See Your Award, Award: Sarah S. I previewed this award and got in trouble for it, maybe you really will see it.
Can I Hire You? The Pay Will Be All The Food You Can Make Award: Jillian. Your cooking is quite tasty already, I think you're just going to live in New York City to live in New York City.
Margaritas Galore Award: Becki. I'll meet you at La Mesa a little later.
You Could Try Smiling Award: Ben A. How many pictures can you be in that make it look like you're about kill the person with the camera?
Worse Haircut of the Year: Kevin. Styling yourself into a combover? I get the part that you are Kevin, but that one still seems a little odd.
Best Haircut of the Year: Sarah L. This style was so good that I want to tip the person that cut it.
Shopping Partner Award: Mari. Actually Mari makes an adventurous partner for anything, I never feel like a drama queen in her presence.
Life is Too Short Award: Merinda. Working for a bad boss just makes life too stressful, good bye Walgreens, hello Office Max.
Beware the Laundry Nazi Award: Corinn. You know the rules.
Omaha Ink: Suzie. Twenty six new tattoos in one year.
General Contractor of the Year: Troy. Managed to do a pretty good job of organizing volunteers to work on remodeling his basement, it's going to be quite cool.
Healthy Eating Adviser of the Year: Venche. Yes I know I should be drinking more water and eating more fresh fruits and veggies, but diet pepsi and ice cream is a balanced diet.
Attitude Not Broken Award: Keith. Grace in the face of life changing injuries should be an inspiration to anyone who is paying attention.
Stupid Toy of the Year: Skip-it. Did I manage to lose that thing yet? Runner up, Kevin's slinkies.
Roommate Of The Year: Ben. It was a close win over Senor Tortuga.
Traction Control Award: Mark. His car has it, yours doesn't. It's such a cool feature that Mark never slips, even when dancing.
Personal Space Violator of the Year: Jim. Stop that.
WalMart Employee of the Year: Little Debbie. Not that I've actually seen you working, but I have seen your bright blue vest with the smiley face.
Rock Band / Guitar Hero Award: Kaleb. 100% on expert? Are you kidding me? I might retire this award, because perfect is pretty hard to beat. Runner up acknowledgment goes to Troy, Ben, and Sarah L.
Wedding of the Year: Matt & Vivian. Matt found out he didn't just marry Vivian, he married the birds too.
Last Week I Couldn't Even Spell Edgukater, Now I Are One Award: Micah. Congratulations, the kids are the real winners.
Names of the Year: Sarah and Ben. I'll leave it up to the reader to determine which one I am talking about.

Dance Awards:

This Dance Floor is Kind of Empty Award: Jenny. Big dance floor, good music, but only two dancers ... Jenny and I danced for about two hours straight at my work Christmas party, with absolutely no worries of running into anyone else.
Somehow Always Managing to Dance Anyways Award: Lisa. She doesn't dance as much as she wants to, but still does pretty well even though there are never any leads. Runner up award to Sarah L.
Dance With You in Three Months Award: It's a split! Nicole and Renae. We like it when you visit Omaha, especially when you come to the dances. Oddly enough, they both showed up at the same dance last week.
Point the Camera Over Here, I'm Going to do Something Real Cool: Epp. Just see the pictures, they are worth a thousand words.

Moments Awards:

Full Circle Award: Me. My year will end the same way it started, at the Eagles Club, dancing.
Apples to Apples at Culvers Award: Me, Mari, Merinda, Robin, Tim, and Daniel. A quirky end to a fun road trip, I don't even remember who won.
Saloon Girl Doesn't Mean Saloon Girl Certificate. Jenny. Who worked tirelessly at the wild west birthday party to educate us on female employment opportunities in the old west.
Friend's Stick By You Award: Sarah L. Who went with me when I took Cherokee to the vet to have him put down. I don't think she thought she would cry, though I knew I would.
Make Mine Quintuple Grande Award: Ben. Thanks for driving to Lincoln, and Becky & Gabe's Mardi Gras party. Drinking a whole pot of coffee was pretty amazing.
Artistic Interpretation Award: Epp. Who recorded two songs I wrote the lyrics for, yep, I'm still moved.
Aren't I a Little Old For This Award: Me. Falling asleep in Janet's dorm room while at the swing dance event at Truman State.
No Pictures Allowed Award: Little Debbie. There had better not be any pictures of **censored** from the time everyone was at her house **censored**.
Titanic Movie Imitation Award: Me, Micah, Sarah, Becca, and 10,000 birds. Why was it so hard to stand still for ten seconds? Cause we were laughing so hard.
Good Deeds Are Sometimes Dirty Award: Robin. Maybe next time make the building project after the nice lunch.
Never Again Award: Ben. He wore shorts at Lindy in the Park on May 18, saw one picture and burned the shorts.
Getting Lost in Downtown Lincoln Award: Me. I still don't know how I got turned around, but I somehow had us walk about six blocks to get to a place right across the street from where we parked when I went to Becky's wedding.
Missed Junetoberfest: My old house. Losing my house was rough, I really miss having the random firepit parties.
Summer of Dancing Award: Lindy in the Park. With the exception of one Sunday, the weather for Lindy in the Park was amazing.
Is that a Cloud or Armageddon Award: The weather in May and June provided lots of opportunity for excitement.
Hate Your Camera No More Award: Me. Since my mid-June purchase of a new camera, I have taken over 2000 pictures. I love my camera.
Do Not Cross This Line Award: Jenny and her housewarming party. There were suspicious chalk outlines all over the place, and Jonathon went missing. Hmmm.
Horsin' Around Award: Sheri and about three dozen people and horses. Melissa, Micah, and the Holy Grail re-enactment was one of the humor highlights of the year.
Nothing on the Green Award: Me, Ben, Jessica, Jenny, Lisa, Vivian, and Matt. So what if the show is cancelled, the rains never came, and we had tons of fun ... Shakespeare would have approved.
Frisbee In The Dark Award: Me, Venche, Robin and several others. Yes, it is as dangerous as it sounds, just as Venche's nose and my ... um ... nevermind.
Planning Award: Matt & Vivian. That was about as smooth of a wedding I've ever seen.
Don't Try This At Home Award: Me. Roller Skating. Ouch.
Party Central Award: Mel & Epp. Two parties in five days equals fun for Tux.
Charlie Brown Kite Imitation Award: Ben. Hiding in a tree during a birthday party means no cake for you.
Best Game of Chess Ever Award: Sarah & Corinn. No pieces, just shot glasses ... oh, and beautiful weather and a very stylish dress.
Oddest Time for a Yoga Lesson: Venche, Jenny, and Vivian. I'm not sure now works for anyone, pass the birthday cake.
New Organization of the Year: The Order of the Shovel. It had it's beginnings on a day when we played pool and closed down the buffet.
Cowtown Jamborama of the Year: Cowtown Jamborama VI. Yeah rescheduled, and things didn't come together until the last minute, but still was a very cool event.
Song of the Year: Love Shack, as performed by Matt, Merinda, Vivian, Sarah, and Lisa. As someone in the crowd said "That was awesome!".
Ketchup Incident of the Year: Vivian Birthday Party. I still contend it was not funny.
We Don't Think The Same Award: Matt & Hugh. When we went to the corn maze at the pumpkin patch, about a dozen of us just started running through the maze, while Hugh and Matt methodically went through it. It's good to know who to follow when you are being chased by someone in a hockey mask with a chainsaw.
Road Trip of the Year: Worlds of Fun Halloween Haunt. From random meetings on the side of the road, to fog so thick you can't see your feet, to the guy smoking on the Detonator, it was sweet.
Are You Sure That Was The Movie We Rented Award: Matt & Viv. Bad movie, good tacos, great friends.
Largest Contribution to Global Warming: Me, Lisa, Mark, Ben, and Jillian. That being said, the Chili Throwdown was a success.
Edible First National Bank Tower Award: Becky S (Jenny's roommate). Who knew banking could be so tasty.
Not Smart Enough To Stay Out of the Weather Award: Me, Jonathon, Jenny, Sarah L., Lisa, and Jillian. Determination to see the zoo lights does not necessarily mean you are making the best decision.