Two Weeks in the Desert

I just had a wonderfully good laugh, alone, but it doesn't necessarily mean I'm crazy.

I was just sitting and thinking, when a thought popped into my head: "What would Jesus have blogged about during His forty days in the desert?" I really have no idea. So I'm instead left to wonder what I would blog about if I went off into the desert for forty days. I had to laugh again because I just came out of an Lenten sacrifice, and went right into giving up something else altogether. A Lenten sacrifice is supposed to be an emulation of what Jesus did went He spent His time alone.

What I think now is; this year I set myself up for a Lenten sacrifice success. Giving up fried foods was a sacrifice, but one I knew I could keep. Not exactly a formula for inducing humility. This now is what I should have given up in the first place, dancing and Facebook. Instead of these excellent distractions, I'm left to myself, my thoughts, and the disparity between the words I use about God, and how I actually live my life.

Freed of at least two major worldly distractions in the last two weeks, I have been forced to look into the mirror that reflects my soul. I have not been happy with what I have seen there. I have found that somehow I had become quite bitter, and unhappy, unable to appreciate what has been provided to me, unwilling to see a future that included personal happiness or fulfillment. I'm not without compassion for my predicament, if it seems that way, I've had a lot of personal loss and failures over the last two years. However, the one thing all my failures and losses have in common? Me. Now that is a little harsh, and quite possibly undeserved, but sometimes a cigar is a cigar.

I've been doing things on my own. Like a child who says "I'm a big boy now!" and refuses help, I'm back to flying solo, God has not recently been piloting my life ... nor co-piloting ... heck not really navigating, backseat driving, stewarding, or even fueling the plane. It is any wonder that I've developed a case of the insanes?

I've (re)discovered in these two weeks that my bitterness can be replaced with forgiveness. I actually found my singing voice again, well at least at church. I'm been calmer and more positive, even when things don't go my way. I've had to confront a couple of big demons I like to pretend don't exist, but really when you pull back the curtains, and let the light shine in on them, they really aren't that scary at all.

I know the title of this blog entry might give some the impression that there is a certain length of time that I will be in my self imposed exile, I can only say it is as long as it takes. The road to self-improvement is not always smoothly paved. It is, however, a journey I am going to make, I only hope, as Reinhold Niebuhr asked for "...the courage to change the things I can."

The Cat Song (version 1)

Hey cat, don't eat my earbuds, they can't even look like your natural prey,
even if, when I shake my head, they move in a shiny, distracting way.
Hey cat, don't eat my power cord, it doesn't look like anything wild,
my electronics sure aren't safe, you grab them with sneakiness and guile.

Maybe you could chase a bird.
Maybe you could chase a mouse.
It's annoying what you've ruined.
It's annoying what you chase.
Can't you chew on some kibble?
Clean yourself on the couch?
Maybe play with a shoestring,
but don't knock over that vase!

Hey cat, don't eat my earbuds, they can't even look like your natural prey,
even if, when I shake my head, they move in a shiny, distracting way.
Hey cat, don't eat my power cord, it doesn't look like anything wild,
my electronics sure aren't safe, you grab them with sneakiness and guile.

Why do I keep you around here?
It's not because your nice.
It's not because your helpful.
You destroy my apartment.
You scratch up the chairs.
You eat all of the plants.
And lets not forget,
the avocado incident.

Hey cat, don't eat my earbuds, they can't even look like your natural prey,
even if, when I shake my head, they move in a shiny, distracting way.
Hey cat, don't eat my power cord, it doesn't look like anything wild,
my electronics sure aren't safe, you grab them with sneakiness and guile.

---

I thought today would be a good day to write something. So there it is, the big thoughts that go through my head. Inspired by an actual cat. Please feel free to add onto it, it seems like there should be a verse about blue corn chips, but I got hungry before I could write one.

72 hours without Facebook

Wow!  You want to talk about all of a sudden being out touch.  How about all of a sudden having a couple extra hours a day?  Let's not forget going crazy wondering what you're missing out on.  They say the first 72 hours is the worst, whew, that's over with.

 

On Saturday I did my research to find out if I could just deactivate my Facebook account instead of deleting it.  Once I found out I could, I went to the deactivation page and set it up so all I needed to do hit the button to deactivate the account, then I walked away.  It took about three hours to work up the resolve to do it, but I finally walked back in and hit the button: deactivate.  There was this giant noise and power fluctuations and the apartment started shaking ... well, not really, the world seemed just the same as before.

 

Except, I'm disconnected now.

 

Saturday was an interesting day, I started cleaning the house, then I actually turned on the TV, I listened to music, I read a magazine, and I visited with Merinda.  I had all this extra time, and I barely knew what to do with it.  Sunday was much the same, I cleaned the kitchen, went to church, walked with Sarah (FYI: 4mi is different from 4km), time to do stuff I hadn't done in a while.  I've gotten plenty of sleep the last 72 hours.  It sounds peaceful and relaxing, except for the part about driving myself crazy wondering what is going on.  The only serious part of this desire to fill my brain with what is going on is this; there are those times when a friend needs encouragement, and Facebook statuses make it easy to see what is going right, and wrong, with friends.

 

Otherwise, it is just trying to fill my brain with the distraction of <i>what's happenin?</i>.  And believe me, despite being away from Facebook, my brain is still trying to get me to be distracted: "ooh, ooh, let's set up a Twitter account" ... I'm pretty sure piece of mind doesn't come in 140 character bites.  I'm pretty sure piece (peace) of mind comes from being comfortable with your place in the universe, and I'm pretty sure that a few weeks or months of being out of touch(ish) and not dancing, is a small price to pay for getting my feet back under me.

 

Oh, and hey!  Somebody actually noticed I disappeared off of Facebook!  I guess I do matter.  :-)

Sabbatical

I would be best for me to take some time off from social circles, a sabbatical. I've been too all over the place emotionally recently, I desperately need to refocus my priorities and let some disappointments settle down.

Our life is frittered away by detail... simplify, simplify. Henry David Thoreau

So in keeping with the advice of Mr. Thoreau, I will not be dancing with Jitterbugs, and I have deactivated my Facebook account. I probably will be doing a few things here and there, but not necessarily announced.

I love you all, and I know how much you care about me, so I appreciate your support in this matter.

2009 Lenten Report

Easter passed by last Sunday. I did something that I don't believe I have done in my "adult" life. I actually made it through Lent without eating meat on Friday. However, I didn't do as well with my Lenten sacrifices.

I said that I would exercise. Well, that basically didn't happen, it was okay for the first week, maybe week and a half and that was it. I'd like to exercise, but I am going to need help or a personal trainer.

I said that I would not eat fried foods. I did much better on this one. The second Sunday I messed up and ordered boneless wings at Buffalo Wild Wings, I figured it out half way through, but finished them, because wasting food is a sin too. The third Friday I ate at a fish fry and had tater tots and a bite of fired fish. That was it. I also lost about ten pounds in the process.