Thinking Thoughts

Not to turn my blog into a therapy session...

I have been feeling restless lately, and I can't quite put my finger on what it is that is causing it. I have talked to a couple of friends about this feeling, if for no other reason than to keep it out in the open, instead of dwelling on it in secret. I had a little better clue in on it tonight while I was "googling" my brother Carl, and all of a sudden I got a feeling of longing for something that is missing in my life.

I admit to considerable trepidation concerning feelings of longing and desire. I attempt to and feel as though I do a good job of living my life from a low worldly desire point of view. I am blessed with a house, friends, pets, and a good job to be specific about a few of them. The words I use when I pray are that I desire "...to be an instrument of His peace." Which doesn't mean that my own will can't sneak in and have pride or lust or envy (or four others) have me desire something which is not good for me, which happens from time to time. However I don't necessarily think, at least at this point in the introspective process, that it is the case.

The obvious answer is that I am missing a girlfriend/wife/family. I admit to being torn, but I think I am mostly comfortable with this either way it goes as long as it is God's will for me, but I do pray for it. This doesn't feel so obvious.

So I am left wondering if God is going to be "moving" me soon. I have some flat out fear about that. Not only am I fairly comfortable with myself and my life right now, there are things and memories in my past I have no desire to have dredged up again, I'd like to let that sleeping dog lie.

Fear is the opposite of faith... I pray for His will, I invite Him in to my home, my body, my soul. Yet here I sit fearful of moving forward, and afraid also of sliding back. Maintaining my position on this hill of life is my will, but the energy I expend to keep myself here, will eventually wear me out and I will fall back down into the valley...

Sometimes courage is taking the next step forward, sometimes it is taking one more breath, sometimes it is just saying I'm scared.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, The courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Read This!

Check out fellow jitterbug and friend Bex Blog Christmas Entry (the first sentencish). It is exactly how my Christmas events went also (well, I went to church too).

Merry Christmas!

What continues to be the most extraordinary thing about Christianity to me is what we celebrate this day. God, the creator of all things, chose to confirm His Kingdom, not from on high, separate and dictating, but by bringing Himself to us, born in a barn to a teenage girl... God almighty, measured in pounds and ounces, having to have His head supported while being held, needing to be nursed, changed, protected.

Yes, it is true, my thoughts are influenced by western Christian culture and thinking, yet every time I hold a small child, I think of baby Jesus, vulnerable and tiny, born to average parents. This is what floors me, that God has experienced this as I have.

Merry Christmas and many blessings to you.

Me on the Highway of My Desk

Of course, I am driving the 16 car.

New haircut

It's my new haircut! Complete with a nosey coworker.

Headscratcher

Today at work, my boss was holding a plastic bag he said was full of holes.

Identify Santa and Win!

edit: come on and guess already, just to amuse me, it's the holiday's.

Figure out who Santa is and win a fabulous prize!
Hint: I took the picture at Merinda's Walgreens.
Disclaimer: not responsible for any injury caused by the person in the picture hitting you because they don't like your guess.

Nothing In Particular

One of our dear dancers, Corinn, is sick, and has been in the hospital since last Tuesday... poor thing, she is only 95 pounds dripping wet to begin with. It started with Mononucleosis, which somehow affected her liver and other organs. People who saw her last Tuesday said she was very yellow. She went into the hospital last Tuesday, and is still there now. They want her to have surgery. I didn’t see her until Saturday, she looked fine then, but when I saw her Sunday she had the chills, I felt so bad I wanted to hold her until she stopped shaking, but she is a little paranoid about getting other people sick too. Prayers will be welcome.

I took Venche to my company party last Saturday. It was at the Funnybone w-a-y out in west Omaha (I think you could see the Denver skyline). They had food there, but it was fairly marginal, and a couple of drink tickets, which kind of got confusing, but the comedians were very good. I enjoyed it and laughed so hard that the administrative assistant turned around and smacked me for snorting when I laughed. Afterwards we tried to meet up with Monique, Robin, and Vivian to play some cut-throat solitaire, but it kind of just didn’t happen.

Poor Kevin is having phone issues, as in his isn’t working at all. Sprint told him that it was “water damage”... What? He is savvy enough to know that is bull, but we can’t get the phone apart to see what they are really talking about. So in the mean time he is using my OLD phone, it’s ancient, no web, no text messaging, no customizable rings... who knew you could function with that little functionality (now that’s an awkward sentence).

Sign of the Apocalypse /or/ Mixed Messages

I received an invitation in the mail today for a (big) party being thrown by Catholic Charities called "Irish Fest 2006" next March at the Qwest Center. Music is by ... The Village People. Insert your own Catholic/homosexual joke here.

I can only assume that the planner for this event doesn't know about The Village People or the agent for the band doesn't know about the Catholic Church.

No Room At The Inn...

Check this article out Mega-Churches closed on Christmas from Yahoo News. Let's see, God submitted Himself to the human condition, born a helpless baby in a barn to a teenage girl so you could declare that Christmas services would not "...be the most effective use of staff and volunteer resources." Wow... If you (myself included) really understood what God has done for you, you would beat your hands against the doors of the church just for the privilidge of worshiping Him.

Just as an aside, Willow Creek Church in suburban Chicago began in, and is named after an old movie theater in Palatine, IL where, when I liked movies more, I once sat for six hours to see a "Pink Panther" marathon.

Goodbye Sis

I took both of my rats into be put to sleep today because of their tumors. I was not very happy about this, but Sis had a big tumor (half the size of her body), and Mandy had a smaller one, and both are over two years old (they live to be 2 1/2 or 3). My vet, Dr B., talked me into trying surgery on both of them rather than just putting them to sleep. I feel much better about at least trying something, although unfortunately, Sis did not make it through surgery. So, whatever rats do in rat heaven, I hope you enjoy it sweetheart. Here is how I remember her:


Mandy is at home now, with staples in her side, but looking quite alert and hungry.

Rub-a-dub-dub

Rub-a-dub-dub, three men people in a tub car...

No Explanation Needed

How to Spend a Sunday.

My two favorite teams: the Bears and whoever beats the Packers. I am double dipping today.

Oh for Two

Poor little rats. I posted a while back when my blonde fancy rat, Sis developed a tumor, she is still alive, but not having a great time getting around. Now Mandy has one too... their lifespan is only two-three years, and they are both over two now. I think it might be time to put them down.

I really think they are cool pets, and I love having them around, and I knew going in they were prone to tumors, but I am quite disappointed. I don't know if I can do this again with them, no matter how cute they are.