Lost: One pair of dance shoes.
Black and non-descript, mens size 8 1/2, in a olive green bag. Last seen at Cougar lanes near 144th Street and Industrial Road in Omaha, Nebraska. Left there by an idiot who thought it would be funny to try to bowl in dance shoes because so many people dance in bowling shoes.
Lost: My voice.
Kind of nasally, but quite acceptable for vocal performance. Last seen somewhere in between Norfolk, Nebraska and Omaha, Nebraska. Reward for finding: you get to hear me talk. Currently am getting by with a combination of Phyllis Diller and Rod Stewarts voices.
(almost) Lost: One pair of sneakers.
These nearly new white shoes with maize and navy trim were left at the Eagles Club last Friday when they were used as a substitute for the first item lost above. Rescued from sure oblivion by Mae, who gave them to Schmendrick, who thankfully did not leave them in his car. Thanks to both.
Found: One bandanna.
Also known by many other names like handkerchief, snot-rag, sweat-rag, do-rag, or my favorite, the babushka. Color is navy. Probably lost at the Eagles Club last Friday when some idiot (as mentioned in item one above) grabbed the wrong sweat-rag and took it home with him only to discover the next day it wasn't his...
...which brings us to our next item...
Lost: One bandanna...