16 June 2005

Top Three Lies

In a bold attempt to generate some commenting on my blog... the following are the top three relationship lies straight women tell (probably doesn't apply to jitterbugs, cause they love nerds):

Number 3: I want a nice guy. Lie. What you really want is a 1) good looking, 2 )rich, or 3) bad boy or cowboy (in fact all three) who comes into your life, sweeps you off your feet - seemingly against your will, and after a token struggle by you, he whisks you away to his mansion. Just exactly in the manner in which you daydream about for six hours a day... oh, and hopefully he is nice too.

Number 2: I want a guy who is spontaneous. Lie. This can be translated as; I want a guy to surprise me with the gifts and flowers I want, when I want them. Or I want a guy who wants to go out to do exactly what I want to do, only I don't have to suggest it to him, he just knows it without me saying anything.

And of course, number 1: I want a guy who is honest. LIE LIE LIE. Even if we as men never spoke unless spoken to, this is still a lie. If it wasn't a lie, you'd never ask questions like "Does the dress make me look fat?" "Do you like my new haircut?" or "Do you want to hear what my friends' cousins' boss did?" Once questions like this are out there, we are caught, there is no right or acceptable answer. In fact, why not just carry around mace or pepper spray and any time you feel like asking us a question like that, instead just spray us in the face with it, I'm sure it will be more pleasant than questions like that.

(now if only I was a nerd)

8 comments:

Sarah said...

Okay, I'll go ahead and comment. Comment comment comment.

#3: I hate cowboys. And bad boys.

#2: Spontaniety is not a quality that I'm concerned about.

#1: Um... I know better than to ask questions like that?

Now to figure out this whole situation with the zoo...

Anonymous said...

just keep shoveling it. maybe someone will buy that your the one that is treated badly

Anonymous said...

Your not anonymous! You're not even.... literate.

Unknown said...

LOL
maeg - please read disclaimer about "does not apply to jitterbugs"

illiterate anon - please insert sense of humor prior to continuing with life.

literate anon - all strong bad references rock

Anonymous said...

But Eric, you are a nerd. :)

Anonymous said...

Yep, gotta love those nerds. lol.

Unknown said...

thanks, i think

Rhonda said...

Funny, but I hate to say there is some truth to it. I can't agree with all, but some. Although I am not one to speak I have trouble with relationships myself. I have difficulty figuring out what I really want in a man. Seems like I think one thing and when I get it I realize that it wasn't what I really wanted.