03 August 2006

The Witness Who Can't Say What He's Seen

“a failed attempt to translate thoughts and feelings into words” is the tag line to Suzie’s blog. This is how my life feels right at the moment, only without much in the way of angst, more of an inability to express what is going on inside my head. It’s not even frustrating, it’s just a failure. So I wrote this “poem”.

The Witness Who Can’t Say What He’s Seen

I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. As though I am eating alphabet soup with ten inch high letters, the words are too big to be said.

They cannot be written, cannot be drawn, nor expressed visually, I am like a man on fire in the desert, nothing will bring relief.

For I opened the door marked eternity, ventured through, and into the mind of God, rested in flowers made of joy, and saw sights not for the mortal mind.

What mind, having witnessed for itself, the unfathomable love of it’s creator, could be satisfied ever again by the mere triflings of we humans.

For I’ve been crushed by love and stomped by understanding, serenity has been burned, no branded right onto my psyche; a drug, and I want more.

I want, I need, I crave, more, more, more, until I am nothing but a vessel of love, an addict of peace, looking for my next fix.

And what is left of who I used to be? Torn and tattered, it hunkers in the corner like a rabid dog, waiting for any opening to bite me again.

It has no chance, no pain can stop me now, a blinding white fog surrounds me, the animal is gone, and I leave the blessed lands... and return

to the chaotic lands where I was hatched, my worldly needs left behind, wanting to return to the beauty, and rest again in the gardens of love.

All I can now be until that day comes, is an instrument of His peace, and the cup of His love ... drink, my friends, drink deeply.

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