I know many Christians are enamored with Easter Sunday; thinking Jesus rising from the tomb, and defeating death to be the primary event of the upcoming holy week, if not the entire year. Although I realize this promise of eternal life is important for many, it doesn't hold as significant a place for me as the events of Thursday and Friday do for me.
I don't feel I have much room to consider myself worthy of God's Kingdom. With my struggles with my twisted sexuality, big ego, and joys of the world, I know there are many out there who would condemn me, and perhaps with good reason, without too much of a second thought. I suffer from no misconceptions about what part I would play if I had been there the Thursday night when Jesus was abandoned and betrayed, I would have run off too, perhaps weeping in bitterness as Peter did with the sounding of simple chicken. I would have allowed myself to be convinced by the established religious leaders to condemn Him, thus participating in his betrayal. At the very least I would have stood by in silence at the injustice of the Savior tortured and humiliated. That would have been my choice.
But it was not His: "...forgive them, Father, for they no not what they do..." It goes even further, the Christ, the perfect one, took my well deserved place of being tortured and abused, by choice. The King who gave His earthly life, that I might have an eternal one.
I do not pretend to understand why God chose to have His love play out like this, but it was His thought of me while He was nailed to the cross which plays out repeatedly in my mind. I will not be sacrificed, because He was.
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