25 December 2006

2006 Onion Awards

2006 is almost at an end, and it is time for the 2006 version of the Onion awards. These highly coveted awards are given arbitrarily to anyone the Academy of Onionboy wishes to hand them out to in whatever category seems reasonably fitting.

Pet Awards:
  • Bestest Dog Ever: Cherokee. Sorry Lexie, your love of snacking on iPods kept you from winning.
  • Worst Use of a Tail by a Cat: Sierra. Okay, so technically you have to have a tail to use it.
  • Most Likely to Be in an Unexpected Spot: Zeke. Cats are not known for intelligence, Zeke upholds this standard.
  • We Miss You: Sis & Mandy. The house is not as cute without you around.

People Awards:
  • Coolest Toys in Home Environment: Spanky. Was there any doubt? Five words: A 10 foot HD TV.
  • Best Use of Cheese: Viv. Has a passion for cheese like ... well ... metaphors fail me.
  • Most Likely to have 15 Jello Shots: Me. Beckyrants is a close second.
  • Best Use of a Camera: Jittercliff. Now if I would just ignore the camera and quit posing for it.
  • Best Mom: Mom. Thanks Mom, you're the best!
  • Can't Miss Party Host: Mae. Seriously, if she is putting it on, I am there.
  • Best Phrases that Stick in my Head: Reportwriter. Two words: Goat Rodeo. Who knew?
  • Best Alternate Game Rules (tie): Mae & Beckyrants. They don't even know that rules come with games, and heck, why bother.
  • Most Likely to Get Annoyed at Work by Friends: Maegmariel. Maybe you should get an office job where no one can find you.
  • Most Reliable Roommate: Schmendrick. You expected maybe the cats?
  • Least Reliable Roommate: Schmendrick. You expected maybe the cats?
  • Best Person to Have a Beer With: Chris, with all the jitterbugs who know their beer, he is the man amongst boys.
  • Most Accomplished with Only One Arm: Gingerkid. Pump those one pound weights!
  • Newest Member of the Internet Age: Mom. Welcome! Just hit reply to email me.
  • Dang It! I Wish I got Pictures: JennyJitterbug as an aardvark at an 88Improv show.
  • Best Imitation of a College Freshman by a College Freshman: Insane Elf. Yes, elf, we have all be there before.
  • Penguins Love Me Award: Suzie. We are glad you don't dress like them.

Blog Awards:
  • Most Likely to Update Blog: Yougetalife. Please just three posts per day, max.
  • Least Likely to Update Blog: RockinRobin. Pregnancy is not an excuse for not posting.
  • Best Job of Reading my Blog and Never Commenting: LeeAnn. People want to hear what you have to say ... I think.
  • Best Friend I've Never Actually Met: Jannaverse. How to make six degrees of separation move to one.
  • Hoping He Doesn't Do Something Similar: Spanky. I am not sure I'd want to win a "Spanky".

Dance Awards:
  • Most Creative Dancer: Beckstraordinary. Yes, she thinks I am an idiot, but boy does she do some cool stuff on the dance floor.
  • Worst Follow of the Year: Me. Brian led me in Charleston, *flinches*.
  • Most Likely to Run You Over While Dancing if You Don't Get Out of the Way: Josie, no explanation needed.
  • Most Likely to Say "Do it Again" When Being Spun: Liya ... "I'm getting dizzy" translates to "Do it more."
  • Most Smacks with a Ponytail: Katie. Those things are dangerous you know.

Automotive Awards:
  • Most Excellent Driver: Viv. Just ask her.
  • Quit Speeding Award: Schmendrick. There is no way cops are going to miss your car going too fast.
  • Jeeps are for Girls Award: Reportwriter. Noises coming from the back wheels are NOT for girls.

Good Looks Awards:
  • Best Suit: Daddy K @ Swing A Star. I'd like to describe it, but it was fairly indescribable, only he could pull that off.
  • All That and a Bag of Chips: Venche. I don't actually need the chips.
  • Prettiest Eyes in a Tall Environment: JennyJitterbug. And she can Bal.
  • Best Use of Red Hair around Christmas: Viv. Next year you need some green streaks.

Moment Awards:
  • Most Laughs in a Two Hours Time frame: The Valentines Day Party at Ruth & Ken's 10pm to Midnight. I am sorry for all of you who missed it, it was hilarious.
  • Coolest Live Show: The pool party at the end of Cowtown, even if Venche wouldn't let me push her in the pool, the Mezcal Brothers rocked, and we had a scene out of a movie (whatever one of those is).
  • Best Fight: Me and the nurse when I came out of sedation from my nose surgery, or would that be worst fight?
  • Best Freaking out a Ditz: When Mae was bringing me home from having my first post surgery checkup, she got rear-ended by a chick who got out of the car saying "I'm so sorry, I need to get my brakes fixed..." It wasn't a hard hit, but it shook everything loose in my nose, and I got out of the car and she looked at me and all the blood all over my nose and mouth and screamed. Very nice.
  • Best Movie I Saw This Year: Prairie Home Companion. Okay, it's the only movie I saw this year.
I am sure that I missed someone with a deserving award, so more might be added.


Mae said...

You also saw Chicken Little and personally I think that was better than Prairie home Companion... Not to mention the Jackie Chan movie night!!! Those movies are the best. ( might be a little biased.

onionboy said...

Not to disagree with Mae, but I believe we saw "Chicken Little" in November 05.

As for Jackie Chan movie night, if you don't have to hide the candy & pop you sneak in, it's not really going to the movies. It's a night with friends. :-)

Jenny Jitterbug said...

I thought I was an anteater? That's too bad there is no photographic proof! :)

Thanks for the prettiest eyes award, i'll wear that title proudly! ;)

Jenny Jitterbug said...

And I'd like to thank God and my parents for this award!

jen10 said...

I want an award! How about "Best person to go drinking with on her lunch hour"

Janna said...

Hooray! I won something!
This is great!
Do I get a certificate? A brass plaque? A trophy? A sizable cash prize? A gift card redeemable for $500.00 at the store of my choice?
Nothing at all?
Well, that's ok.
I still think it's cool. :)

Get A Life! said...

(sniff)I've never won anything before! Thank you!!