27 April 2007

OnionBoy vs. Breakfast Pastry

Yeah, well it was quite the battle royale, and I eventually won, but it was an ugly battle.

It looked so tasty in the package. Cherry and cream cheese, covered with strips of dough and cooked to perfection ... how was I supposed to know it was explosive? I warmed it up in the microwave and took it, with a glass of milk, in the car with me on the way to work. That's when the battle began.

It must have better night vision than I do, because my first clue I was under attack was something sticky on the back of my hand. Next thing I knew my hands were sticking to the gear lever and the steering wheel ... obviously some attack meant to slow down or disable it's opponent. By the time I got to work pastry guts were everywhere, my face, my hands, the rear view mirror, on my cell phone, but worst of all was a huge cherry and cream cheese splotch of what was probably it's spleen all over my pants ... it was too ugly to take a picture of.

This is the second time in a week I have seen seemingly innocent sugary treats turn on their eaters. First last Saturday with JustSmileChild and the ice cream cone that attacked her, and now my breakfast pastry. Is it some strange alien force? Terrorist technology? Consider yourself warned and be careful out there.


Matt J. said...

Thank goodness it wasn't a Hot Pocket. You never would have made it out of that car alive.

The Schizophrenic Elf said...

Or a Taco Bell soft taco. Those things are lethal. o_O

Ivar said...

I think that it's actually a spiritual thing . . . the theory of
"food demons" that delight in the humiliation of the messes food can make.

Some food establishments seem to have more of these little buggers hanging about.

Janna said...

You do realize it melded its DNA with you, right? In about 6 months you will be a giant cherry pastry.
I bet you'll be delicious. :)