There was an incident at work on Friday having to do with my interviewing for a new position. I thought I was getting the short end of the stick on the interview process. I was wrong, it turned out to be a clerical error, and probably not even an error, more like a misunderstanding.
I blew it all out of proportion. I hate it when I do that. It wasn't that I shouldn't have inquired, or even that I shouldn't have been upset. I pulled my boss into a room and launched into an angry tirade which included several words I don't usually use. My boss handled it with ease, calmed me down, and got me to ask the right people the right questions, and everything turned much better than expected. The whole misunderstanding was taken care of in an hour, a very unhappy hour, but a relatively short amount of time.
Everyone I spoke with understood, and said they would be upset. The worldly view, a short, minor lesson learned, with a happy ending. But I don't exist just in the world, God brings a whole new dimension to everything, and I feel humbled mightily.
I am not upset with myself for getting mad, it was understandable considering the situation.
I didn't lose faith or appreciation for God in all of my drama, if anything has seeped into my soul during this faith journey of mine it is trust in Him who made me. If He didn't want me to have this opportunity, something better is/was waiting for me, or best of all, an opportunity to serve Him.
Soooooo... if I didn't fail myself, or my faith, what am I talking about? I failed my friends, in particular SmileChild, Viv, RockinRobin, MistyJoJangles, and others who were praying very specifically, on my behalf, for this interview to go well. I was willing to accept what God had/has in store for me, but they were praying for my success in the interview.
I somehow discounted that God is listening to them too, and that they are here to provide me encouragement, support, and love. Not only that, I wasn't listening to them when they gave me that encouragement prior to my interview Friday. Had I been listening and trusting in them, there would have been no getting upset for me, because I would have known it was taken care of. Worst of all is SmileChild, who emailed me five minutes into my being upset, and although she was talking about another subject she said "He knows your heart, it's in His hands, and His timing is perfect." Since He spoke to me right then, through someone I respect immensely, I could have, should have, at that point, let go of my worries ... but instead I failed to do so and remained upset.
I feel terrible about this, and all the worse because those I named above, even when they read this, won't waver one bit in their love for me. I can't remember the last time something had me crying for more than one day. I have heard it said that to be humble is to be teachable. I know who taught me this lesson, and I am so appreciative for it, and so appreciative for those people who love me enough to take their time to pray on my behalf.